I am getting back up and know about a couple of days i am back me again. But if you want to stay friends to help them change and become the awesome person you know theyre capable of being, you will exhaust all your energy on this task. Because of this, I like to think of the final discard on the part of the narcissist as a myth, a hypothetical idea. I'm afraid I'll forget her. I literally have no idea. I mourn the person he could have been if his life started over in a different family. I never knew such EVIL Existed. The only reason why they would want their ex back is that they know theyre an easy source of supply. It may sound cliche, but when the person who has been abused is finally out of the relationship, they are so brainwashed, emotionally damaged, and hopeless that they feel they might not be able to go on. Even though youre no longer together, the narcissist wants you to remain broken, and theyll do everything they can to bring you back down to the level of inferiority they believe youre supposed to be at and stay at. I went through them myself, and also hear about these same Narc behaviors from my clients. It s like the N just get a little to charming, romantic, a little to in love, acting to helpfull etc.Just always something over the top. They are so patient like a wild animal waiting to strike. So to all of you who are struggling, there is hope, there is a way out of the dark, over time you begin to love yourself more and you will see the light. They arent, so they have to undo you like a fly in a spider web and make you feel as crappy as they do. My ex used to brag about how well he and his ex got along. You will kick yourself for thinking his presence will make you happy. Im glad you are able to get some sort of relief from reading my posts. The couple have been together for nearly 15 years and the odd request left the . She often would talk me up and compliment me more than usual after we would reconnect following a period of no contact as if it were her way of apologizing. When he dated her, he attended her annual family outings. I send an angry mail he plays that other person also. Keep learning about this disorder and you will finally see the puzzle come together. He is a high functioning alcoholic as well and takes prescription Adderall and Cymbalta. And because you keep taking him back. I cannot and will not respond to this letter or give this man any facetime or interaction with me again though. They are full of jealousy, rage, insecurity, and hatred. If you have established NC where does all the rage go? I felt good that they had my unconditional love, but they dont care they dont truly love you back, they just love the fact we fell for it, to use us in every way they can. When I finally put my foot down and opened my own bank accounts because I was tired of him keeping us broke I was being selfish. Then I finally said ok after he cried about how could you cut me off completely when we meant so much to each other Heres the problem. He knows he is messed up and he apologized profusely for messing us up. See below. Plus, there is a disorder, that manifests as BPD psychopathy, but is not. A lot of the features look the same. We separated for 7 months and he befriended a woman I later found out he was spending tiime with her at her home. She often told me what a wonderful human being I am, and yet, now I am nothing to her. Taking her money spendingit on me . Believe me, since she is not diagnosed, it has been hard for me to pinpoint just what her disorder is. My N left me for her boss. Thats why to get many of them in the same group is no surprise to professionals, so the term psychopathic mob was coined, and what me and you are in, is known as character assassination. Thanks Kimberly! My ex too started telling people I am a Narc after me telling him he has Narc tendencies and showed him information on Narcs. I love seeing myself through my eyes imagining how I look through your eyes. It also made me less valuable to her, I guess. Its been 8 long months and Im still not totally over it. Many of us found ourselves caught in it for years. It feels like love, but its really our body and mind withdrawing from the chemical addiction of the craziness and the brainwashing. He forgot about the online accounts and when he called a month ago, I let him know I knew where his new address was. 3 weeks later she called to drop off the key to my house and let me know shed met someone on a dating site. yes, he is fearful of my presence and tells the kidss, I dont want your mother anywhere near me, lol. I am going to train my mind with positive things that shows me my capacitys and the people i am making smile. What do you think his next move will be. I would be re-integrating by his grace, he would look to my presence on the hill with my glider as something the narcissist has made possible by this fresh start should I thank him each time I arrive should I bow each time I pass should I offer thanks and carry his bags from the car as I have observed the person identifiable as a possible next victim doing. Suddenly a new supply I was thrown to the wolves. So all we have to do now is learn to Love Ourselves as much as we Loved them without them. Why would he contact me if he has a new supply? A few days after the restraining order hearing, I have my court date for the battery charge, which I am hoping will be dismissed due to the fact that I have pictures of abuse from last year. He cannot even look me in the eye and refuses to communicate with me regarding the kids. Two hours later, he texts back Happy Birthday, wish u many more. Hugs. I need help connecting my head to my heart. And most important the lies were driving me bonkers. He told me they have not had sex yet and that their relationship of 7 months started as friends, then best friends then relationship. The narcissists jealousy may even lead them to try and sabotage your new relationship by spreading rumors about you or your new partner. I responded by telling him he was a douche bag and ran for my front door. Good bye Danny, [] They are control freaks. part of me doesnt want to do that because i want to see him coming in the event he tries something. Hi Kim, after my relationship with one, I did quite a bit of reading and learned a lot about them. Loving and wishing for something that did not exist. He left me for someone else. I did and I am so much happier now. And it will be if you go back. Am happy and dance and sing now. Luckily it did not affect my work record because I spoke to the HR person who had studied psychology and new all about Narcs!! Usually they are very emotional people, but their emotion is so great, that they find it hard to see where you are coming from simply because they are constantly dealing with their own inner turmoil. I want to have a loving partner and its making me self sabotage in ways that I cant even explain. And Its just not coming out the way it did before. So, does this mean, he is not into her and wants to come home but making it hell for me to show power and control. And this wasnt just in the beginning..he was this way consistently for the entire two years we were together. He texts me last night angry and drunk (super attractive that is lol) and I responded one time, quite rudely, and then blocked the bastards number and went to sleep. My telling him I was onto him did the trick. Also, you are likely experiencing effects of trauma bonding, which is a cognitive, bio-chemical attachment we form to our abuser. Inside me I was slowly starting to come to terms with things and slowly starting to make attempts to fly again I am feeling stronger inside me after this period of no contact I am also honest and open about what happened and why I am not flying so I dont keep quiet about this but equally I dont make a point about talking about it with everyone around as that in itself was reflecting badly on me. Hi Kim If you will just act like his friend for the sake of his image, then all will be well in his fake world. I questioned and disliked the attention seeking but was educated to my insane jealousy. It was as if his mind completely changed and he realized I already knew too much and there was no going back. Reblogged this on BEEN TO HELL & BACK BECAUSE I FOUND THE EXITS and commented: I know borderlines have huge abandonment issues and the fact that I kept leaving him made him much more desperate to have me but narcissists hate when you abandon them as well. I just want what is best for both of us, and at this point, I believe time apart is what is best. I meant that sometimes really nice, trusting people lack adequate boundaries. Love yourself and you will heal yourself. I finish my call then I text himyes?. My husband thinks Im a nascacist and even tho I have not been diagnosed how are some ways I can tell if I am or not. In the last year, he started being physically, emotionally, financially and even spiritually abusive. Yes, and not for the reasons a normal person would want their ex back. But in the meantime we are just friend. He did some terrible things to me but I have a big heart and I also realize that he is sick, so I forgave him. Lets cut it and make 4-5%. Take time to calm yourself down: Go for a walk or do some exercise. The sacred place where no one can get but i do. I need that hope, I want to find that freedom inside me so once more I might fly free among the clouds. Soulmate, best sex ever (like he studied) and the ONLY man Ive ever loved. I think too many people take this dont demonize the other parent bit too far. So many unknowns I could reach out and ask, but Id never trust a word from his mouth as genuine. This gave me some food for thought. He is tired of my games, so I said enough with the bs Im worth more then this and I want more then this, I felt stuck and thats no way to live. I think this time finally he gets it. Feels like I am hitting the bottom also and I am struggling. So i said i have a boyfriend also.He never said anything before the weekend begins. Of course, there is still a lot to doubt and discuss. Despite it has be very hard at times, I believe the best thing is to take all abusive comments and treatments (in such a short space of time I have encountered a lot of those! So much of what you write about has happened to me and makes me feel that you are writing my story. or move your stuff out slowly to storage get a UPS address dont tell anyone what youre doing especially him remember to lock down your credit scores to new address once in new place Get Out! Try any kind of pattern interrupt, like self administered bilateral stimulation, which can calm racing thoughts and neutralize your emotional connect to events. I only wish I had this site to counsel me at the time! After a couple of relationships he finally met Kym on a dating website and they made plans to move in together, except the date to move in got longer and longer He ended up giving me one days notice and left me a mess and in debt, oh and a fishtank full of dead fish and his cat too.. Ive left out a few things but I didnt hear from him (except from his FB posts with Kym on their trip through Asia and Europe) and didnt want to and was relieved that he had moved out.. Reply . Hopeless romantic, he would light candles and have music playing. Im loving him from a distance while trying to forget him. We said hi. Hi, Ive been involved with a covert narcissist sociopath in my small neighborhood. Narcissists dont engage the final discard. The proof is in the pudding. Hopefully, youve never been punched in the gut before, so you dont know how it feels. When I say Im in love with you, I mean Im in love with breathing your air, sucking your blood, eating your dreams. 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