It did come up several times and I think I came close to my goal. Family Life. One more thing. I also am TEMPTED STRONGLY to start taking a SSRI medication–not for depression, but for the libedo killing affects. There was just no desire for that type of connection with me. I should have gone back to him and asked about this a LONG time ago. Unfortunately, another attitude I think appears in our kind of religious community is a strong fear of letting our sexuality be influenced by “worldly” attitudes. I was nearly 40 when we married (he, almost 42), 1st marriage for both. Your 2nd chapter of the book didn’t persuade me as much as I had hoped. It’s a gift from God. Over the last 4 years we have tried to talk about this and I know what I needed to do but I just didn’t make the sacrifice. [31] Jesus himself does not speak in negative terms of the body in the New Testament. I can’t think of one discussion from a semi-official source that discusses sexual refusal, sexless marriages, or what to do when sex doesn’t come naturally. One thought on your wife needing “safety…” What that tends to mean is that she needs “emotional safety.” She needs to feel that you will be there for her emotionally. When we do connect I can see the difference in both of us; stress level diminishes, communication improves and the general mood of the household improves. I think God does want me to have a good sex life. Without documentation, it is hard to verify his claim, but it indicates that he, too, saw the potential for sex to be a real problem in marriage. It took a few years of working with the Lord and each other. After posting this, I am going to seriously consider if any more posts will be forthcoming. ~ “Chastity,” True to the Faith, (2004) ~ For the Strength of Youth, pg. It is a cut and dry experience, by her choice. Lanham, MD: Scarecrow Press Inc. pp. I have to confess that instead of helping, it makes me feel more depressed. Singled Out: Why Celibacy Must Be Reinvented in Today's Church. That being said, I don’t trust my husband. We had a ‘spiritual experience’ and felt that God wanted us to get married, so, being young and full of faith, we did what he asked. I am a woman who is in an involuntary celibate marriage. I appreciate the input of others in this thread. Now, you might think you're celibate because you're not married or doing the deed, but true celibacy is actually a decision made voluntarily by an individual. I greatly appreciate everyone being honest about the struggle we face when our spouses have no interest in intimacy or sex. But, in my case, it certainly is an appropriate reorganization of priorities. This is VERY accurate to how I feel. Knowing that currently I don’t want sex right now and I feel no emotional connection to him, my husband would still take sex in a heartbeat. That said, if you ask God for strength and it is given, you can maintain a sexless partnership, like a friendship or business. I actually was expecting to be a little blasted for my choices, but I wasn’t. We are best friends, companions, partners, and are truly “in love”. That they are never treated as ‘sexy’ and ‘hot’?….even ‘desirable?’. : ). No God, no God discussion, and no God acknowledgment is atheistic in many ways… So, was I really not teaching anything? That isn’t happening, and it hurts. (Answer honestly.). You must leave her alone sexually and intimately so I can heal her. She will willingly give it to you … and when she does … it will be completely and forever. WOW! These exquisitely painful experiences, such as what you are experiencing are a tender invitation to truly come unto Him! In each case, the problems have lasted — well, probably about 5+ years in each case. This is how I feel really close and connected to you!” Hearing simply “I need sex” does little to turn a wife on if she feels her needs are being disregarded! And, more importantly, why does it seem we’ve just begun to discuss it? November 10, 2020, No Comments on In Marriage…Good Girls Do! But I felt that in my situation I had no other choice. When a couple marries you are agreeing to a sexual relationship. I did not understand why she was not hot for me the same way I was hot for her. It seems that, if you really dig into the “authoritative” stuff, there is very little said that makes sex more than just “allowed” or “permitted” and no discussion of sexless marriages and sexual refusal. Just as in the case of a child having thoughts of suicide, I would hope and pray they would try with all their might to get me to listen to the seriousness of their situation before pulling the trigger. The ball is in her court because there is literally nothing I can do. [62], Statutes forbidding clergy from having wives were written beginning with the Council of Elvira (306) but these early statutes were not universal and were often defied by clerics and then retracted by hierarchy. It appears I am suppose to learn to “bridle” my passions, which, in my circumstance, means just going without and learning to be happy when something as important as “wanting to be wanted” is left unmet and festering. I chose 20. Unfortunately, men don’t turn things off as easily, especially when it is a high priority, as it is for me. You can’t run from God. Such restraint is difficult for most persons and sometimes impossible, and for them married life is decidedly more helpful than a life of celibacy. Therefore, I don’t find his advances enticing. But, lo, I am fit and healthy and probably have another 30-40 years of life to ponder it all. I found this last night in a desperate search for something to hold on to. (Elder Boyd K. Packer, Things of the Soul, 105-17) ~ Eternal Marriage Student Manual, Intimacy In Marriage, I think of the words of the sealing ordinance, which cannot be written here. If God says: “Hey, stay in the marriage.” Well, perhaps at that point you do have the choice to kill your feelings. These words are so differently defined in each person’s mind that no good can come from the discussion. Gradually, I came to understand that I needed to work on my own personal development. She’s catching on that her power is diminishing and doesn’t appreciate the change. I don’t want to be misunderstood to be someone who is finding fault with something that does so much good in so many lives. Please understand — I never, ever, ever, in my life wanted to become an adulterer. Then I was done. When that reciprical dynamic is not working, the relationship tends to stall and either drift apart or the couple starts bickering. 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